just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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