don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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