True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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