and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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