How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
