can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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