I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
