I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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