i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You ate ashes out of my bong
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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