I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
