Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
