I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
