I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
