It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
