its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
