Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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