alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
