I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
