the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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