p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
