I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
