sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
