so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
