Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Mom said you looked used
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
