I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
