too bad you live with your parents still
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
