Sponge bath it is.
4 words: hood of his car
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
