The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
