I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
