You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
