My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
