Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Randomize
