Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
