You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
