when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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