Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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