you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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