He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
wat bout pragnant strippers??
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
