i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
vagina is talking i cant
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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