your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
