i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
