I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
