they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
