omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
