Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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