Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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