She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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