3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
