I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Did I show you my penis last night?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
