i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
