But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
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